I was kind of lame and didn’t even make it until midnight for the first time in several years. Um, oops. Oh well. I hope that lameness doesn’t last into the new year. 😉
I like to reflect on New Years, and what all went down in the previous year. I transferred out of a school that was a living hell for me and I had back surgery. People I loved died. My mom, whom I have virtually no contact with, got diagnosed with a form of cancer. I had many health struggles and many friendship difficulties. I got my official eating disorder DX. I’ve been fighting my insurance. So much has hit the fan this year.
I made new friends, made other friendships stronger, and lost some friendships. But I did learn many things this past year:
1. To quote the Fray: “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”
2. Sometimes, we have to man up (woman up) and do what is emotionally painful and has dire consequences, just because it’s the right thing.
3. We shouldn’t let petty fights end friendships that one were once beautiful, because life is fragile and we don’t know when that person will die. Petty fights aren’t worth being immature over.
4. I’m learning more about cooking gluten free food. Sometimes it tastes awesome and I make seconds, other times it tastes awful and I have to choke it down. 😉
5. Sometimes, taking a scary plunge into a new horizon is the best possible choice.
Old stuff: some old NYE/New Year’s Day Posts:
December 31, 2005:
“2005. It’s almost over.
I’m filled with memories by it. Some good, some bad. This year is one to remember, for sure. My entire life changed this year. Everything changed. Is there a better hope for next year? Is there a better life next year? I hope so.
I mean, this year, I turned 18. Of course, it wasn’t the best birthday, I can only hope my birthday in 2006 will be better. I changed schools, I moved, so much changed.
Will two thousand and six be better?”
January 1, 2006:
“Sometimes I wish it was easier. I wish I could just trust in God. I wish I could just love Him, but I don’t know that I can. I don’t know what I want with my life anymore.
I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know where I want to turn. I don’t know where I want to go. I don’t know what to do with all these feelings bubbling up inside of me.
I don’t know what to do with this bitterness. I don’t know what to do with this hatred. I don’t know what to do with this pain, what to turn it into, what to channel it to.
I don’t know what to do with this feeling of not being good enough. I don’t know what to do with thse memories. I can’t just shove them aside, after all.
I don’t know what to do with the past. I don’t know what to do with it. I know I need to learn from it, but I don’t know what to do with it. I just don’t know anything anymore.
I don’t know where I need to turn. I don’t know what I need to do. I just know..that I need help.”
2012, please don’t suck.
Please kick my ass and make up for all the crapiness I dumped.