Now I face out, I hold out
I reach out to the truth of my life
Seeking to seize on the whole moment to now break away!
Oh God let me out, Can you let me out?
Can you set me free from this dark inner world?
Save me now last beat in the soul.
My entire life I’ve been told there are so many things I cannot do because I am disabled. I’m a victim of both being told there are so many things I cannot do and that Ic an do anything I set my mind to. How these both work, I really don’t know.
As a result, I’ve been trapped in lies. Lies that I’m not good enough. Lies that because I’m disabled, I cannot achieve anything. I’ve been told that I need to not let my disabilities define me or hold me back. It’s confusing. And I need to find my own truth. Make my own truth. Find my own path.
Something I’ve learned is I need to reach out to my own truth. Reach out to it, even. Because it is within reach.
Because it doesn’t matter what I’ve been told. They were wrong.
It doesn’t matter what I believed. It was wrong.
But what matters is the truth I know now and what I do with it.
I’ve been getting more questions than usual about my URL lately, so I’m taking a break from autism acceptance pieces to finally sit down and write a piece on why I chose my domain and blog title. It comes from the AMAZING anime, Fullmetal Alchemist. And these two quotes:
“A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return. But once you have recovered it and made it your own… You will gain an irreplaceable Fullmetal heart.”
“There’s no such thing as a painless lesson, they just don’t exist. Sacrifices are necessary. You can’t gain anything without losing something first. Although if you can endure that pain and walk away from it, you’ll find that you now have a heart strong enough to overcome any obstacle. Yeah… a heart made Fullmetal.”
If you haven’t seen FMA, well, you should. Even if anime isn’t your jam. Because it’s that good. I can’t say too much without going into spoilers, but basically guy-loses-his-arm-and-leg-and-his-brother-becomes-a-robot-thing-so-they-try-to-become-human-again. Yeah. Well.
I’ve had a lot of pain in my life. And I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. Life hasn’t been easy for me. And I have rods in my back, which I joke are my own personal automail.
My own heart became automail. My own life became making myself strong enough to recover from the pain thrown at me. It hasn’t been easy. But it’s been worthwhile. It’s been a piece of making my heart strong enough to overcome obstacles.
Hard? Yes. Worthwhile? Well, I wouldn’t want these things to happen to me again. Or anyone else. But it made my heart fullmetal. It took my life and made me stronger. And I’m the champion as a result.