each day she goes on is a day that she’s brave

As someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety their entire life, it feels like it’s going to be impossible to ever overcome this. I feel like this has become all I’ve known. I feel like it’s impossible to know anything else. I feel stuck. I feel trapped. I feel hopeless.

I keep finding myself wondering what it would be like not to be like this. To be free. To not constantly be fighting a war inside myself. And I realize I can’t even fathom it. It’s so far out of my reality that it seems unachievable.

I find my brain crashing, throwing up a proverbial blue screen of death. I feel all the emotions causing my system to overheat. My depression. My anxiety. My memories. Everything because too much, and I become trapped.

I wish that I had an easy answer. Changing who I’ve always been is hard and it’s scary. I know it’s brave to go on. I know the brave thing is to want to change. But I don’t know how to do these things.

And so, I keep going. I keep fighting. I don’t know what toward, but I keep trying to achieve something better. I push toward knowing something different, to a world that is beyond my wildest dreams.

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