Anxiety. Depression. ADHD. Autism. PTSD. They all blend together to create the filter I view the world through. And as a result, I often find myself frustrated and overwhelmed.
There are so many times I don’t want to be the way I am. I don’t want to meltdown. I don’t want to shutdown. I don’t want to forget things. I don’t want to repeat things. I don’t want to remember things. I don’t want to loop things. I don’t want to obsess.
I don’t know who I would be without these things, and I don’t know how to function without these habits. It’s a world I’ve never explored and a reality I’ve never known. And it’s frustrating.
I feel like I’m fighting a battle with myself I can never win. I feel like I’m a pawn in a game that I can never stop playing. I feel like a glitch in a video game that happens every single time things get to a certain point.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to get better. I don’t know how to overcome all this stuff. Because I get stuck. And I just can’t figure out how to be not stuck anymore.