and here’s my broken hallejuah

I am a broken Christian.

I love recklessly and live passionately. I have trauma from an experience that shattered my faith in the church when I was young. Social justice is important to me.

I am disabled. I’ve struggled to reconcile this and my faith. I straddle the border of traditional and contemporary – I often say that I’m theologically conservative but socially and ethically liberal.

I have entire episodes of Veggie Tales committed to memory. I make references to obscure Christian niches often.

I am a broken Christian.

I’m a flawed person – I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt. I studied to go into ministry – the running joke is I’m most likely to drop the F bomb behind the pulpit. I’ve often been asked to explain theology in ways non Christians can understand.

My faith is important to me. I once used my faith to fuel my hate, but I now use my faith to fuel my love. My thoughts and prayers are important, but they’ve got to be channeled into action and advocacy.

I don’t trust easy. I hide many of my emotions. I’ve got many parts of the charade down.

I am a broken Christian.

I’m just now learning to be safe in a church again. The church hurt me. I’ll never be the Christian I was before that trauma. But. I’m learning to trust people again. I’m learning and growing and changing.

I’m a broken Christian.

But we have a God who calls the broken. We have a God who calls the ones who have been hurt, to help others not to be hurt. We have a God loves the ones who the world does not.

And so I’ll sing my broken hallelujah.

 

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