When doing the thing seems impossible

I hate how hard things are some times. How I balance two extremes – when faced with extreme emotions, I even break down or shut down. There’s no middle line, there’s no balance. It flips from one to the other, and it’s so frustrating for both myself and those around me.

I hate how simple things are so overwhelmingly hard. Like household tasks, simple self care, etc. There isn’t even a way to articulate why it’s hard because even that is, well, too hard and too overwhelmingly lazy.

To those outside, I look lazy, I look selfish, I look like I blow things off and don’t care. But I do care, and I do want to do things. I want to be productive. I want to do the things I need to do in life, instead of doing, well, nothing. But when you have poor executive function, it just seems so impossible.

I break down tasks to try and make them easier, but it doesn’t always work that way. I have other people help me when possible, and it still seems so overwhelmingly. I so quickly go into disaster mode that it makes it such a delicate act to try and even do the most basic tasks.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this – I don’t have any profound advice on how to do the thing, I don’t have anything new to say that people haven’t heard before. But maybe it’s to show other people that the way they’re doing things isn’t weird or isn’t wrong – that for some people, it’s just HARD and that’s okay. Finding your own way of doing things is fine, Doing things in an unorthodox way is fine.

It’s just too bad society seems to struggle with those who don’t do things in the traditional cookie-cutter ways, so it’s those who need to break out of the mold the most that suffer as a result. Because while our ways work for us, society nopes out of them. But there is nothing wrong with our way, even if it’s not “normal”.

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