I have OCD.
Yeah, I know. I’m not a neat person. My room is best defined as the name of one of my college radio shows, premeditated pandemonium. People find it hard to believe that I have OCD because I’m not a germaphobe and I’m not a neat person.
But it doesn’t change the fact I have OCD. OCD isn’t just about being clean and tidy. OCD is recurrent and persisting thoughts. OCD is about obsessions, not just compulsions. And those obsessions can take the form of thoughts. Of your brain looping things over. And over. And over.
Bad events that have never happened and never WILL happen loop in my brain. “What ifs” loop my brain. I check things that have been checked. Again. And again. I ask questions I’ve asked. Again. and again. I repeat myself. Again. and again.
Because I’m TERRIFIED of what will happen if I don’t.
I don’t want these thoughts.
I don’t want my brain to be like this.
But I literally can’t control it.
I loop bad events that have never happened, that never will happen, in incredible detail in my brain. It’s terrifying. It’s scary. I feel like a horrible, horrible person. I’m not. I’m literally not in control of my brain and there’s nothing bad about me for being like this.
You see, OCD isn’t a one size fits all disorder. The stereotype of the Danny Tanner-esque germaphobe isn’t what OCD is for everyone, or even the MAJORITY of people! You can have OCD without obsessing over cleaning. You can literally obsess over anything. Your compulsions don’t have to be to keep things clean! Your OCD is still real and valid even without these harmful stereotypes.