A Tribute to Chester Bennington

SUICIDE/SELF INJURY TRIGGER WARNING.

It’s no secret that I have depression and anxiety. I mean, I try to hide it and try to act like a person who has her crap together, but the harsh reality is I really don’t. I never really have, to be frank. I don’t remember ever not being depressed, I don’t remember ever not being anxious.

I’m a child of the 90s and early 2000s – I turned 3 in 1990. Which means, like most angsty teenagers of my generation, I listening to bands like Evanescence, Avril Lavinge, and Linkin Park. Oh, Chester…

Some of my might know I have a history of self injury. I cut myself for years. I’ve been clean since I moved to Fargo – I last cut a couple months prior to moving. It’s something that’s been a part of my life for sixteen years – over half my life. And I remember listening to Linkin Park.

I listened to Breaking the Habit, and decided not to cut.

I listened to Numb, and decided TO cut, so I could BECOME numb, so I could slice through the numbness.

I listened to Easier To Run when I was contemplating Suicide.

I listened to Crawling when I was angry and just needed angry music.

I understood the lyrics that Chester sang. It felt like he was singing about my life. I felt like he UNDERSTOOD the horrific crap I lived through – the depression, the anxiety, the pain, the abuse… every part of my life was in front of me in song. I could pull lyrics out to tell people how I was feeling. I could show people that hey, I’m NOT alone and I’m NOT weird, see, Linkin Park understands!

Linkin Park saved my life. I’m just heartbroken it couldn’t save Chester’s. Linkin Park gave me something to listen to, something to hold onto. And I can’t thank Chester enough for that gift.

So thank you, Chester. Thank you for your lyrics, which got me through my darkest days. Thank you for sharing your demons with us, in hopes that they would help someone else fight their demons. Thank you for sharing your voice and your soul with us. We can never repay you for that.

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

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