Self ableism

So it’s nearly 1130 pm on May 1st, 2017 which is blogging about disablism day. It seems like there are so many things I could say, and so many things my friends and fellow advocates have said, that it feels like there isn’t much left for me to say.

Largely, the largest form of ableism I have been struggling with is against myself. I can’t hold down a job, I couldn’t graduate college, I was even actually kicked out of vocational rehab. For me, school and a job just isn’t feasible. And yet.

I tell myself maybe if I tried harder.

I tell myself maybe if I did x, y, or z.

I tell myself that maybe it’s my fault all these things didn’t work out, which isn’t remotely true.

I beat myself up.

I tell myself maybe I can try again…. forgetting the fact that school nearly killed me. Forgetting that I was constantly sick, constantly missing class, constantly not capable of meeting the demands. To say I’m not capable isn’t me degrading myself or me saying being ableist against myself. It’s accepting my limits. It’s realizing that because I’m disabled, there are some things I simply cannot do.

I’ve seen people say “if I can graduate college, anyone can.” “If my grandma can have a job, anyone can.” Well, that’s bullcrap.

Not all disabled people can have jobs.

Not all disabled people can graduate college.

But all disabled people are worthy of food, shelter, and happiness.

It’s time we smash our self ableism and accept ourselves as is.

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