Trigger warnings for abuse/murder of autistics.
So apparently it’s autistics speaking day. There are so many things I could say. So many ways I could write. There are numerous different words I could fill this blog post with. And yet, I am coming up empty. I feel like I am shouting into the silence.
What can I say when my basic rights are denied? What can I say when I’m pushed to be neurotypical, to be something I am not? What can I say when I’m told to shut up, that I don’t know anything, when I have the r word thrown in my face? What can I say when I’m told I don’t understand what it’s like, even though I have lived it?
What can I say when I read the headlines and sob as another autistic life is taken? What can I say when quack cures are thrown out, one just making headlines this week? What can I say as we are horrifically bullied? There are so many words, but they seem so hallow and empty.
What can I say as words are thrown at me? Quiet hands. Sit down. Shut up. Sit still. You’re embarrassing me. Stop doing that thing. Start doing that thing. You need to do this. You don’t need to do that. Oh, stop talking about this thing. Just shut up! No, start talking!
It all spins. It all swirls. It all meshes together. But it’s all who I am. Autistic. And Nora. And yet when I’m finally given a day to speak… I am silent. Because there is so much I could say… but there is no one to listen.