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But I don’t use it for that!

Image is a someEEcard style graphic. Text reads "There are eight ways of contacting me through my phone that don't involve me having to talk to you. Use one of those."

Image is a someecard style graphic. Text reads “There are eight ways of contacting me through my phone that don’t involve me having to talk to you. Use one of those.”

If you know me at all, you know I hate making phone calls. It isn’t laziness and it isn’t something I can really help – it’s a soul crushing anxiety. I have completely melted down when a phone call is necessary. It would be easier if it was pure laziness, because then I could just suck it up and get it over with. But for me, a phone call isn’t that easy. Hell, I have like four or five unread Facebook messages, twenty some not listened  to voicemails, and a few text messages I haven’t even read.

Communication is hard, plain and simple. I have all these words in my head and all these things I want to say, but they just don’t want to come out. And so, I don’t answer messages. I’m not ignoring you. I’m not pretending you don’t exist. I’m just consumed by fear and anxiety. Which is bad, because it’s often important things that fall to the wayside.

It isn’t a skill I can easily learn. I can’t just pick up my phone and respond to a message or make a phone call when I am literally consumed by anxiety. When I am literally incapable of making that call or sending that message. Anxiety is ruthless.

So please, when I don’t respond promptly, or at all, don’t take it personal. It’s just my brain. It’s just how I’m wired.

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