The day it all changed

There’s no cutesy graphic to go with this post. No Pinterest-worthy picture. My words are messy and garbled. I’m far from eloquent – not like I’m always an award winning writer. But lately, I’ve been reflecting on the day it all changed. The day everything I knew fell out from under me. The day where my hopes and dreams were shattered.

May 9th, 2011. Almost five years ago. My first back surgery. July 9th, 2013. The second back surgery due to complications from the first. But the May 9th surgery shattered everything. It changed. My life changed. My world was turned upside down. 

My life became more pain. More questions. Less answers. More specialists. I have an impressive scar down my back and a straighter spine but at what cost? 

Three years later. May 9, 2014. It was supposed to be the best day of my life. My college gradatuon. Didn’t happen. Due to that back surgery. 

And now. Two years later. 

I am broken. 

I am hopeless. 

I have no college degree despite spending six years in undergrad. I am drowning in debt. I’m trying to get them forgiven but loan people are butthippos. 

I am trying to find a purpose and meaning in my life. Is it my blog? Is it activism? Is it being an advocate? Is it anime conventions? 

I was a semester and a half away. 

I graduated high school ten years ago as of June 2nd, 2016. I expected to be drowning in debt but in a Ph.D. program. Nope. 

Instead here I am. Ten years. Five years. Two years later. Trying to aimlessly find a meaning. 

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