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I’m fed up with your awareness

I have completely and utterly had it with your awareness. I am absolutely fed up with your so-called awareness and I would love to shove it into a meat grinder. Your awareness has done nothing good for me and it’s time to STOP. I am done with your awareness. I don’t need it anymore, and to be frank, I never needed your awareness.

I am fed up with your puzzle pieces, which have a history before Autism Speaks took them over. Learn our history (I am imperfect myself and am still learning our history. I’m always learning. It’s part of being. Learning is good. Please learn. We cannot change and grow if we don’t grow).

I am sick and tired of your awareness! What good has your awareness done? Nothing. It’s justified the abuse  of Autistic children. It’s used for your bull-hockey functioning labels  It’s used to further silence us. To tell us that we aren’t enough. That we need to try harder. That oh, if we Do The Thing, we can Do The Other Thing that we actually want to do.

I am absolutely fed up with your awareness. I am sick of you lighting it up blue. You aren’t doing a single good thing for me by doing so. In fact, you’re justifying my abuse and my murder. You’re justifying the mistreatment of my Autistic family.

Do I seem angry? Do I seem bitter? That’s kind of my point right now. That’s kind of my purpose. I am angry. I am bitter. I am sick and tired of whenever I criticize Autism Speaks, whenever my friends and fellow advocates & activists speak out of the dangers of them of hearing the same rhetoric over and over. “But isn’t all awareness good?” “But we’re raising awareness!” “We’re all working for the same cause!” “I want to do whatever will help my child.”

Your awareness has achieved nothing. Your awareness is hurting me, not helping me. And do you want to know why I don’t want your awareness? I will spend the entire month of April completely depleted of spoons. I will spend the entire month of April seeing people “lighting it up” for “autism awareness.” I will spend my entire month hearing how AWFUL autism is. What a TRAGEDY my life is. How HAAAAAAARD it is to raise an autistic child. Parents will bully and abuse me. Aspie supremacists  will tell me what an awful person I am as an activist and an advocate.  I will continue to see parents moan and whine about the fact their child will never use their voice box to speak – all while ignoring the fact their child’s voice is speaking to them loud and clear. Day in and day out, with no escape. My feed will be flooded.

Your awareness has only hurt me. How are you helping me? If you want to help advocate for me as a neurotypical, great. But shut up and listen to me when I tell you you’re doing it wrong and quit silencing me. Stop being aware of me and accept me. Stop trying to change me. Stop trying to make me into something I’m not.

And for the love of cheeseburgers, don’t light it up blue or I will crutch whack you.

Image: a beach-y background with the white text that reads "Stop being aware of me and start accepting me."

Image: a beach-y background with the white text that reads “Stop being aware of me and start accepting me.”

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