but she still sleeps with the light on

the hardest part about being disabled has been coming to terms with the fact that i will never work my dream job.

that i will never be able to be there for sick and dying children.

that i will never be a hospital chaplain.

that i will never be able to work with children in hospice.

i’m losing hope. for the future. my future is bleak. i know, it sounds fucking absurd to say that at age twenty-eight. i have my whole life ahead of me. but at the same time, i don’t.

i’m a college drop out.

my health is too unstable for anything.

i keep forgetting doctors appointments – i’ve missed three or four in the past WEEK.

i keep getting sicker and sicker with things that there are not treatment for, no cure.

my depression is spiraling me out of control.

completely out of control.

i feel hopeless. bleak. empty. futureless.

i’m not even capable of sleeping unless the light is on.

everything thinks i’m strong.

everyone thinks i’m capable.

what they don’t know is i’m falling apart.

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