One of the most important things I’ve done in the past year is accepting my place on the LGTBQA spectrum. I am the A. Not only in that I’m Annora, but in that I’m an asexual aromantic. It’s been hard for me to accept, but I’m now proud of it and confident in it.
For years, I pretended. I made believe. I acted like I was completely binary and like everyone else. For years, I did the dance and I played the part. I acted like I had attraction. I acted like I wanted a wedding. I tried to force myself to daydream about a wedding.
My earliest crushes were solely due to personality. Nothing to do with appearance. It was all about their personality. And it still is. Cept for Henry Cavill… but that’s another story.
I can find people nice looking without having sexual attraction. I can find people pretty. And I do – I find them attractive and nice looking. But I don’t have any sex drive. I don’t have any romantic desire. I lack all of it. It’s been hard to accept, but I think I’m proud of it.
I worry that people will think I’m trying to be a special snowflake. That I’m already autistic, disabled, and unique in so many other ways and that I’m just trying to check off more boxes about my identity. I worry that people will think it’s silly to define myself as both aro and ace, but to me, it’s important. It’s important because it’s as much a part of who I am in that I have blue eyes and brown hair. It’s as much a part of me in the fact that I’m passionate and loyal. It’s in my blood. It’s who I am. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Accepting these labels has made me a lot happier and a lot more confident.