Be a flash, not an ember

  
Image description: a picture of my favourite book, Deadline, by Chris Crutcher.  It is focused on the final paragraph, which is the only one I have the spoons to write out. 

“I walked away understanding I have a rare form of whatever the hell it is and without treatment my chances sucked, but with it they still sucked and somehow I knew my choice wasn’t about living but about living well. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone else but I’m not going out bald and puking.  I don’t have anything to teach anyone about life, and I’m not brave, but I’d rather be a flash than a slowly cooling ember. I’ll eat healthy food, gobble supplements, and take whatever the universe gives me.” – Ben Wolf in Deadline
I want to be a flash. I’m not brave. I’m not smart. I don’t have anything to offer. But unless I live boldly, I don’t want to live at all. 

I will not go quietly. 

Until I’m on my death bed, I will speak out. 

I will speak out of injustice. I will pray for the refugee crisis. I will reach out to those in need. I will fight for equality. 

I will not stand silently as I watch people suffer. 

I will not be silenced about the issues I’m passionate about – autism acceptance (NOT. AWARENESS. AWARENESS SUCKS), disability equality and rights, rights for people who don’t fit the cookie cutter gender molds, and recovery from abuse. 

I will not go gently in that good night. No one will ever say I was known for being quiet. I will be fiercely stubborn, incredibly loyal, and overly passionate. 

If the day comes where I have to choose between a crapshoot drug that makes me ill and unable to enjoy life or enjoy life but live a shorter live, I will choose the second. 

I will have a life well lived. 

No one will ever look back and call me a coward. 

No one will ever look back and say I didn’t fight with all my might. 

No one will ever think I wasn’t passionate. 

I don’t want people to remember me as the sick girl.

No. 

Instead, I want to be remembered as the compassionate, loyal, stubborn, and sometimes hilarious friend who stood for what she loved. 

One thought on “Be a flash, not an ember

  1. I LOVE this. It’s so important to show what you’re passionate about. Too many people let others walk over them and hide their beliefs. Sometimes it’s necessary to not be as vocal, but if you can be then by all means DO!

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