call it torture, call it university

Nine years ago in June, I graduated high school. I was by all means a smart kid despite my dismal SAT scores (I don’t test well due to various learning disorders) and I had high hopes for my future. I graduated with honours – it should have been high honours but one of my teachers didn’t turn his grades in on time so the program only listed me as honours. Anyway.

I always thought that by now, I would be graduated with both my undergraduate and my master degree. I had such BIG PLANS for my life. I was eighteen years old, about to turn nineteen. I had no idea how badly my attempts at college would fail. I had no idea what a nightmare I would make of it all.

I withdrew from college for the final time nearly a year ago and I’ve come to terms that I may never graduate. And it’s HARD. I want so badly, so desperately to go back. I still dream of it. I dream of going back. I dream of graduate school. I dream so badly of becoming something worthwhile and instead, I live at home with my cat. I’m on disability. My live is instead doctors appointments instead of doing SOMETHING with my life. And it scares me that I may never amount to anything. That I will be nothing for the rest of my life.


One thought on “call it torture, call it university

  1. if I may say something here being someone in life is not about having a college degree…it is actually about the value that you add to society. I am a born again child of God and if there’s anything I’ve learnt from my journey with God it’s that the world needs me. there is something that God has deposited in each and every one of us, and it is not cliché that we feel empty when we find ourselves living beside ourselves. paul says that we are the body of Christ and individually members of it. God has given us appropriate gifts….that we may compliment one another. and so as we all come together…we realise how much a world without engineers is incomplete. I’d edge to do some introspection…ask God to help you find your niche, lay it to God, and allow God to use the talent he has deposited in you to better the world….love you

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