it was a year ago

It was a year ago.

It was a year ago that I turned in my laptop. That I turned in the paperwork that put me on medical leave.

It was a year ago.

That I was only one month away from graduation – though I still had fall semester ahead.

It was a year ago.

When I realized that my health was completely falling to shreds. That no matter what I did, I would never be healthy, I would never be healed, and my dreams were crushed.

I feel I have nothing to show for this year. Video games beaten? Anime watched? Movies memorized? It feels like such a profound waste of a year

I feel I have lost a year. That I’ve wasted days away sick. That I’ve just been a lazy, stubborn, stupid idiot mooching off whatever. Irrational as it sounds, that’s how I feel. Because my health is slowly getting worse. I am massively in debt for a degree I will never achieve, for a job I will never have.

10 years ago this autumn I entered my senior year of high school. I expected to have my master degree by now; I expected to have a job.

And yet I am nothing.

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