Inside a disabled person’s mind.

I am disabled. There’s no easy, sugar-coated candy-sprinkled way to say it. I was born with a fairly common genetic disorder called NF1 and the vast majority of my other issues stem from it. And the ones that don’t are the rare ones/unheard of disorders.

I’ll never do many of the things others do. I’ll walk with a limp, I’ll struggle down stairs. I won’t run and I won’t jump. I’ll sometimes need help carrying things, and I might need help up when I take a tumble due to my ataxia.
But I am still human. Don’t talk to me like I’m deaf – I hear you clearly. Don’t mock me when my back is turned – I am not blind. And even if I were deaf and blind, I would not be immune to your cruelty.
I am still like you. It hurts me, too, when people act like this because of a disability. But most of all, do not pull God cards on me. Do not tell me that if only I had enough faith, I could be healed. If only I prayed more, I could be healed. For each time you tell me that, I can point you toward a Godly woman who died of breast cancer. I can point you to a Godly man dying of prostate cancer. I can point you in so many ways.
I believe that there is a God who heals, but His healing isn’t always physical and isn’t always in this world. Sometimes, part of God’s healing is using medications. His will may be for that woman to undergo that surgery, with the doctor’s using the wisdom they gained in school. His will may be for that man to undergo chemo. And sometimes, I believe God doesn’t just want to give handouts and wants us to do things ourselves.
So maybe God wants you to get therapy for your self injury, depression, eating disorder, what have you. We’re humans – created to fellowship. Maybe it’s God’s will for you to see the doctor instead of just “praying” and “having faith” that He will heal – maybe he wants to learn to advocate for yourself. Maybe it’s God’s will for you to take medication – for you to admit that you cannot do things on your own strength and that you need help.
I wish people would think before they told me faith would ill me. I wish people would think of how much it hurts to be told to pray illness away. Do you think I haven’t tried that? Do you know how many tears have been shed, begging God to take away my pain and illness, only for my pleas to seemingly fall on deaf ears? Do you know that I’ve lived with this for nearly 24 years? Do you have any idea how many people have prayed over me?
Think before you speak. And know that even though I am disabled, I, too, have emotions and feelings. And above all, I am a human.

2 thoughts on “Inside a disabled person’s mind.

  1. Very well said! Sometimes prayer doesn't "fix" things the way we'd like. People forget that God has freedom to say "no" or "not yet." He knows what's best and He knows how much you can handle. I couldn't survive a week with what you face every day. You're a very strong person!

  2. My dad used to tell a story/joke when I was a kid that went:
    There was a man that suddenly found his neighborhood flooding. A police officer came by and told him "Get what you can carry and come with me. I will give you a ride to higher ground!"
    The man waved him away and said "No thanks, sir. God will save me." then he prayed for God's help as the water grew higher.
    Soon the man's first floor was full of water, so he ran to the second floor. A family in a boat came to the man's window and the dad said "Hurry! Come with us! The water is getting higher!"
    The man waved them away and said "Oh, no need, sir, no need. God will save me." And again he prayed to God to save him from the flood.
    As the water grew even higher then man had to climb to his roof to escape it. After a few hours a helicopter flew over head and lowered a rope ladder. The rescue personnel called for him to climb up, but he yelled back "Oh, no, no thank you! Go help my neighbors of little faith. God has a plan to help me!"
    The man continued to pray for God to save his life, but not long after the helicopter left the water risen too high and the man found himself before God at the Pearly Gates.
    "Why, God?" he cried, "Why did you not save me from the flood?"
    God said "Umm, hello! I sent a police car, a boat and a helicopter! What more did you want?!?"

    It's kind of a simple story, but it has always stuck with me. There have been times I've wished I had it printed up on cards to hand to those people that try and tell me of God's Plan or that I have too little faith and tell them that's why I seek out every treatment I can. That's why I endure medications and surgeries.

    This post was very well said. Very well said, indeed. 🙂

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