I don’t know when, but a day is gonna come

“Is it true what I heard about the Son of God?
Did He come to save, did He come at all?
And if I dried His feet with my dirty hair
Would He make me clean again?”
– Bright Eyes, “I Don’t Know When But A Day Is Gonna Come.

I suppose it’s healthy in the life of a Christian (or, I reckon this could be expanded to the atheist or to the agnostic or any religion, really) to have wonders about what they believe. However, be it healthy or be it even good in the long run, it’s still frustrating to be trapped in doubt. But at times I feel that if here at a Christian college, if I admit to not having my act together, what that means to everyone else. Does it mean I’m not a good enough Christian? Does that mean that everyone is passing judgment calls on me, for not having my act perfectly together?

I’ll be frank – I struggle with viewing God as a father. For to me, a father is someone who hurts you. And trying to view a perfect, omni-everything being as that is a struggle. Does that make me a bad Christian, though? I can view God as Comforter, Saviour, Redeemer, and Friend, but I just cannot grasp the concept of Him as a Father.

I feel that sometimes when I express this to people at Northwestern that this is how I feel, that I’m somehow magically not a good enough Christian, because of things that happened in my past that were beyond my control that would taint anyone’s view. I feel that people think I’m not a good enough Christian, because of Horrible Bad Things that happened to me, and would shake up the faith of nearly anyone.

But really, instead of passing judgment calls on someone who’s been hurt beyond measure, instead of just saying “Well, the Bible says that God is your father and you should believe it”, why not reach out? Give hope? Give love?

I struggle with this. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever heal to the point where I can view God as a Father. Will I?

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he’s needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough
Switchfoot – “Let That Be Enough.”

2 thoughts on “I don’t know when, but a day is gonna come

  1. Having trouble viewing G-d as a loving Father does not make you a bad Christian or a bad believer. Anyone who responds with judgment is not responding in a Christlike fashion, which we should all strive toward. Even if we fail in the attempt. But I digress.

    You are not a "bad" child, but rather a healing one. I'm sending you nothing but hugs and love, my sweet friend. And know this: you are not alone.

    Think of someone who is told "Jesus loves you" but has never known love in their life. Imagine they never had anyone who showed them kindness in life. How could they begin to comprehend
    G-d's love?

    They (and you!!) could have understandably rejected G-d out of hand without giving Him another thought. "What good is He to have made my life miserable?" "What kind of loving Father makes X, Y and Z happen to innocents?"

    Such are questions that embittered souls have asked. But even if you asked such questions in the past, you still chose to believe, and you still seek Him!

    Don't let anyone make you feel like less of a believer. This is where the term "holier-than-thou" comes into play.

    G-d is not in heaven, keeping score. Everyone has doubts about faith and instead of being ashamed of them, challenge them. See each question as a chance to seek answers and reaffirm your faith.

    Hugs and love to you, Lique!

  2. A model father is one that is protective of his offspring, in which all of us were created, therefore are descendants, hence "children" of God as He is a Creator of life. Hence, the father term. God should be looked upon as a model father.

    You said, "For me, a father is someone who hurts you". A heavenly Father does not do this. An earthly father should not do this, but sadly, there are many earthly fathers who do hurt and abandon their children. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I just wanted to clear up that all earthly fathers do not do this.

    For myself, my parents divorced when I was 12 or 13. I had to endure a lot of bad mouthing from my parents about who was at fault and at this time, I thought both mothers and fathers were out to hurt me. I often wondered why couldn't they stop arguing, why can't they just work it all, and why must they break up. The scariest moment of my childhood occurred when my mother was attacking my father with a butcher knife as he was locked in a bathroom. I tried to intervene and my mother gave this look. It was extremely terrifying, but did she stop? No.

    But despite the divorce, I remain in close contact with my father. And that relationship has helped to cement my thoughts on what a father should be. I do not want to hurt my child. I do not want to abandon my child. My child depends on me and I must be there to be a protector, provider, and nurturer. Not all earthly fathers do this (or mothers for that matter), but that is what we all should strive to do.

    And that's what the role of God as a Father is.

    My major beef with God as a Father has mostly to do with gender. Shouldn't God be genderless? But I guess it makes sense somewhat if God is to bring a son, and since only women can biologically carry a child, then that must make God male?

    But couldn't the argument also be made that God is female, from whom all life was created as only a female can incubate and give birth to creation? But that's for another argument…

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